A Story…

7 08 2010

If you were a woman—

Hear me out. If you were a woman, and there was this guy you loved—would you tell him, or not?

Would you tell him how you feel, and risk not only rejection but also losing your best friend? Or would you stay silent, and NOT tell him that you’ve always been in love with him no matter how hard you try not to be, and you’re tired of trying. Tell him that, as far as you’re concerned, the ebb and flow of the tides reside in his voice. That you see the touch of God on him, and every time you get a message from him, you light up like a Christmas tree. That any woman would be downright insane to let him go, and you’re not crazy at all. That unless he rejects you outright, you WILL have him—Heaven or Hell be damned.

What would you do?

Well, I unfortunately have that problem. I’m in love with my best friend, and there’s not a damned thing I can do about it.

To his credit, he hasn’t done anything to lead me on. I honestly don’t think he feels the same way. Also to my credit, I didn’t realize how I felt until after all this time and I tried—Lord I tried!—to change how I felt. Unfortunately, I even married someone else to get away from my feelings. I realized that I didn’t marry for the right reasons and put an end to it, thank Goodness, but I still couldn’t admit to it until after I started going through with the divorce.

It started in high school. I thought I had a huge crush on him back then. By all outward appearances, it was hard to tell why: He was a total dork in appearance, but extremely smart. I dig smart guys, I really do. And he was funny! As a teenager, guys are normally cute and funny or cute and smart, but never funny and smart. He was, though. However, his traditional Chinese background intimidated me. I didn’t think he’d want to date a black girl. I was way too afraid of asking him out, so I was content with just being his friend. We still are to this very day.

I left for the military after graduation, while he bragged about my accomplishments to his college friends. The lovey-dovey feeling thankfully lessened, and I blew it off as being just a childish crush, no big deal. We kept in touch through his multiple degrees and my thousands of miles away, and many boyfriends. He didn’t start dating until after getting his Master’s. My mom always asked about my best friend, as she considered him the son she wish she had. Then, I found who I thought was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

Shortly after I got out of the military, my boyfriend proposed while on a trip together. I told my friend the news when I got back, and he congratulated me. But something didn’t feel quite right. By that time, my friend and I were attending the same university– me for my Bachelor’s, he for his PhD. We were also spending the most time together since high school. He even took me to the zoo, on the spur-of-the-moment when I hit a rough patch with my boyfriend, so I’d feel better. I didn’t see that even then, I felt more content with him than I ever had with my new fiancé.

But the wedding plans went chugging along. I felt the urge to speed things up but didn’t know why. Nor did I want to know. Then, the day I finally bumped into the brick wall that was the Truth was the one day I made my best friend angry. Now, I had never made him angry before. Hell, I had never even annoyed him before but as I said earlier, he was working towards his PhD at the time and under immense stress. Also, a Fun Fact about me is that I apologize readily and with dignity, but I never beg for forgiveness, not a snowball’s chance in Hell of that. Either you accept it or you don’t. I just don’t grovel. To anyone. EVER. What happened was this: I texted him around noon to call me. He didn’t respond with a text until that evening. When I got it, I sent a joking text about how it took long enough! And that’s what set him off. He replied hey, you can keep that to yourself. I’m in no mood to hear it. Believe it or not, that’s him lashing out, and that scared the crap out of me. You’d better believe I jumped on the phone pronto to call him up and apologize. He answered, and I scraped and begged his pardon. Me! I was shocked to my core.

He forgave me just as quickly as he had  yanked the rug from under me (unbeknownst to him). He then asked for me to forgive him for his “outburst”. After we talked about our day, I hung up, and began to consider whether we had a normal relationship or not. I told myself that we did, that friends always feel bad when hurting another friend’s feelings. I wasn’t entirely convinced though.

Meanwhile, things were continuing to go downhill between my fiancé and myself. We never saw eye-to-eye on many things; and he never fought fair, choosing to say hurtful things, ignore me, or pretend that nothing was wrong rather than face our problems. But he never committed the Big 3: physical abuse, cheating, or stealing from me. As a result, I thought that whatever our problems, I could tolerate them. That was the wrong way to think, and I know that now. No one deserves to be “put up with”. They deserve to be loved, including myself, and that’s what was missing from our relationship.

By the time my wedding was two weeks away, I found myself driving to my friend’s house, calling him along the way to ask if I could stop by. I was frantic that I was making the wrong move. The day before, I had spoken to my mother, who informed me, half-jokingly, that she always thought I was going to end up with my friend rather than my fiancé. I had to hear him say I was doing the right thing for me to continue. If he didn’t, I would call the whole thing off.

He did, though. He smiled, told me that it was just wedding jitters, all brides and grooms go through this right before a wedding, and not to worry about it. I left his house feeling much worse than when I showed up, and when I started my car, that’s when the Truth smacked me: That wasn’t a crush I felt all those years ago. It was love. Pure, undying love.

Now that I knew the Truth, it was time to run from it. So I started off by inviting not only the man I loved, but also his family, to my wedding. I figured if I could actually go through with the wedding, the spell would be broken. Also, I made my friend my Man of Honor. I even thought to have him give me away as well, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. The wedding day came, and I looked beautiful. He even said as much while we waited in the limo for the ceremony to start. He also said I looked like a Queen. That somewhat lifted the burden of guilt, especially when my new husband said that I merely looked “nice”, and only after the ceremony was done.

Sadly, true love isn’t a spell that can break. Nothing and no one can get in the way of it, not even yourself. My relationship with my husband worsened despite my attempts, and pleading for couple’s counseling only made him more defensive and in denial that anything was wrong. When things got to the point where I spent more and more time complaining on the phone to my friend, and got dizzy spells at the thought of going home to my husband after work, that’s when I said enough was enough. I made one last-ditch effort to see if there was anything worth saving in our relationship before throwing in the towel. Fortunately, there was friendship. We make much better friends than spouses, and we are friends to this day. But I couldn’t stay married to him any longer. I was living a horrible lie. Even if I ended up alone for the rest of my life, I couldn’t stand one more day of doing what I was doing to my husband.

So we got a divorce. It was quick and painless. There was nothing to argue about once I moved out, and we knew who got to keep what. My friend would’ve helped me pack or the very least take me out for drinks once it was over, but right after our wedding he had moved four states away to start his career after earning his PhD. He loves his job. We still talk every week. The crazy thing? I knew before getting married that he was leaving.

Even that wasn’t enough to make me stop loving him. So here I am, alone and in love, knowing that whatever I decide, it’s futile.





“Outsourced”…

21 07 2010

Just to inform you guys of a new sit-com coming out in September on NBC, “Outsourced”. I have a friend that’s in it! I’m so proud of him.

http://www.nbc.com/outsourced/

Yes, it’s exactly about what you think. Call centers in India.

Now, I know the subject is a little touchy with some. Even my mom has been known to rant ocasionally to me about it, as much of a xenophile as I am. After many counterpoints, she’s simmered down a little. I personally don’t mind when I get an Indian calling center– the people are friendly and try to help as best as they can. They’re normally successful. We’ve even had nice small talk about each other’s countries while waiting on whatever database to boot up! No reason in the world for me to take out my frustrations with American-made corporations on these nice men and women who did absolutely nothing to me. I’ll just make it a point to create opportunities in my own country if I ever start my own business, or work for a company that doesn’t outsource thousands of jobs just to make millions in net profits.

However, the reviews I’ve read from ‘comments sections’ online (mind you, the show doesn’t even air for another 2 MONTHS) are scathing. One person calling themselves “southpawtiger” wrote …

“holy cramoly! This movie wasn’t even partially funny when it came out before the recession started, but my God! what bad timing to try and air any more of the same unfunny cross-culture jokes now! Maybe they should make a comedy about the hardworking Americans who are out of work and can’t pay the bills or house, clothe, and feed their children!”

A few things to point out. 1) Cross-cultural jokes are ALWAYS funny. 2) Um, sorry, Tiger, you can’t make your idea funny without a miracle. You can make a DRAMA about it, but who wants to see their problems in their life replayed to them after a hard day of living those problems? I think you’ve got the entire concept of TV-watching bent. 3) No one says “cramoly”. NO ONE.

Yet another person, MrTim, who clearly didn’t know what he’s talking about said this:

“There was already a movie like this.  As this sounds like a ripoff of it, I’ll probably pass on this show……….”

MrTim, it sounds like you don’t like so-called “ripoffs”. I fear that you don’t realize how much stuff is ripped off from originals. Just in the TV department, we have (and I don’t point out ANY of these shows specifically to be good or bad– I’m just sayin’):

American Idol<——-British Idol

America’s Got Talent<——Britian’s Got Talent

The Office (USA)<——The Office (England)

The Real Housewives of [insert county/city here]<——–Desperate Housewives

Friday Night Lights (TV) <——–Friday Night Lights (movie)

Parenthood (TV)<———Parenthood (movie)

Law & Order spin-offs<———Law & Order

CSI spin-offs<————CSI

And so on, and so forth, ad nauseum. You get my point.

And so, I urge you to watch the preview. Better yet, wait a couple more months (Sept. 23) and watch the first show, like I will! Then make your judgments. From what I can tell, it looks like it’s going to be funny as hell.

 Then again, I love “Robot Chicken” as well as “Big Bang Theory” and “Comedy Central Presents”, so that’s some insight into my humor threshold.

(My friend’s in blue. He’s hilarious in person!)





The downside of insulting friends-of-friends…

17 07 2010

I saw on FB that my friend has been having problems with his erratic and aggressive pit bull. He said he was going to get his dog laid to alleviate that! I suggested that though it might offend him, he might want to look into neutering. That provoked a backhanded response from some friend of his I’ve never met in my LIFE.

The guy asked me this: Hey, are YOU fixed? Because I get tired of hearing people say how they fix their pets but want the government to pay for their kids…

My reply? “Actually yes, I am.”

Dude! There’s NO good reply to what I said. What do you say to something like that?? Nothing, that’s what. Our mutual friend came to my defense, telling him to play nice. He hasn’t responded YET.

Yes, yes! In the FACE!





Humorous take on the divorce process…

11 07 2010

Hello, blogging world. My name is denouement32, and I’m a divorcè. (Collective: Hi, denouement32!) I’ve been single for 5 days now. (*Smattering of applause*) Thank you, thank you. Yep, taking it one day at a time, and  my first step towards being single is to acknowledge my status publicly.

My second step, according to this (glancing back at pamphlet), is to make fun of my divorce experience… which I’m ready to do today. *clears throat* Okay, I thought I’d save money by doing my own paperwork. While tedious, it’s certainly not impossible. I’m also a stickler for detail, so I got everything perfectly formatted, including the font size. When I turned it in, the lady behind the window even asked me if I was an attorney. Whatever law firm allows you to conduct business in sweatpants is my kinda job, I tell ya! But I said no, and she looked surprised. Now that I read this back, maybe it says more about her than it does me.

Moving forward (60 days forward, to be exact), I showed up looking MUCH nicer in business attire for the divorce finalization. I sign in, and this county clerk is making mincemeat out of anyone who doesn’t have their collective shit together. I’m telling you, for a Hispanic woman in her late 20’s and no taller than 5’3″, she was a TYRANT. Dude. Don’t let the height fool you, she had big brass ones. For example (this really happened):

Older Gent: Here’s my paperwork.

Clerk (glances over it): Sir, this waiver isn’t in the correct format. If you go to the Law Library, they have the correct format to use. Do it over and get it notarized again.

Older Gent: Are you sure? Because someone downstairs gave me the format and told me it WAS the right one–

Clerk: Sir, NO ONE gives format paperwork to ANYONE in this building. We don’t do that. In fact (glances back at papers), this looks like something you came across on the INTERNET. So, (eyebrows raised, speaking as though to a 6-year-old) go to the Law Library, and the people there will help you find the correct formatting. Okay? And don’t forget to notarize it. Okay?

Older Gent: (mumbles incoherently as he sulks away)

That floored  me. I was officially intimidated. I’m barely on the right side of 30 and am bigger than this chick by a good 60 lbs. and 3″, yet I was worried about having my ass handed to me. That feeling doesn’t suit me well. So I was dripping politeness when I handed her my paperwork, even making a point to initiate “good morning”s with her.

She barely looked at me, checked out my paperwork, had me fill out a form, and told me to have a seat. That’s it. I felt like a punk.

Three other people went before me, and they all had lawyers. Each case took roughly 1 1/2 minutes, I kid you not! The lawyers asked their client a series of Y/N questions, the judge declared them divorced from their absent spouse, badda-bing, badda-boom, done. It was sort of sad, really, the cold efficiency of it all. My turn; I was called to approach the bench, and the judge saw I had no lawyer.

“So, you’re representing yourself, then?”

“Yes, Your Honor.”

The judge put his pen down, folded his hands, and said “Ok, go ahead.”

UHHHHHH…

“I’m not sure how to proceed, Your Honor…” was all I could think to say.

“That’s ok,” the judge replied, gave me a ‘just fucking withcha’ smile, and proceeded to take my hand, walking me through the process. He only asked me about 4 questions, one of which was “Are you sure you want to get a divorce?” Um, yeah.

The time it took my wedding party to walk down the aisle took longer than my divorce. About a minute later and I was single again. Yay, us. I called my now ex-husband about his new freedom, and his response?

“Oh good, I can hit on chicks again. Hey, there’s this movie I wanna see this weekend, wanna come with?”

The movie was “A-Team”. It was awesome, by the way.

(Not my cake. Not even my metaphorical situation. Just thought it was a funny cake to post.)





Lack of African-American action movies…

10 07 2010

A snippet of thought:

Why, oh why are there not more African-American action movies? Or African-American action movie directors? Or even African-American action movie scriptwriters!

Action movies are my favorite kind, but hardly ever is there a serious Black presence. I’m talking along the lines of the “Knight and Day”, “Kick-Ass”, “Matrix”, and “Die Hard” movies. If I see one more African-American relationship, gangsta, drug comedy &/or romance movie I’ll scream!! African-Americans need to branch out and get CREATIVE! I refuse to believe that John Singleton is the ONLY person on this planet creative enough to do it… *sigh*

 





Not all 2010 Movies suck…

9 07 2010

As if getting a little irate about individuals’ negative reviews about some movies I really enjoyed this year wasn’t bad enough…

Now the media is jumping on the bandwagon, saying stuff along the lines of “Worst year for movies EVER”, “Summer 2010 movies=Armageddon”, and the like. This has got to stop.

Now, I’m with everyone on the opinion of “The Losers” being about a ‘C’ (I like Zoë Saldana, but the idea of her kicking The Comedian’s ass is laughable), and “Clash of the Titans” just… well, sucked. It sucked big hairy monkey-balls. I liked the 1981 movie MUCH more, even the outdated Claymation special effects more than this year’s version. And they had the audacity– nay, the GUMPTION– to put it in 3D. Those intellectually-stunted jackasses need to be given the “Casino Royale” seatless-chair treatment for that one.

But I digress.

As much in league with those opinions as I am, I just don’t see how people can go bashing some of this summer’s films. Take “Knight and Day” for instance. I don’t care what your opinion of Tom Cruise is, he did a damn good job in this one, and Cameron Diaz was good in her role as well. She certainly wasn’t a naïve goody-two-shoes like in Charlie’s Angels, that’s for certain. She played a person with real conflicts about who to believe in this movie. And the fight scenes and stunts? A car flips over Cruise  a’la “Live Free or Die Hard” while missing him by centimeters! DUDE! “Knight and Day” was kick-ASS.

While we’re on the subject, “Kick-Ass” was friggin’ stellar! People have said “it wasn’t realistic” and it promotes vigilanteism, blahblahblah. Dude, grow up. Of course it’s not realistic! And anyone who mimics that stuff they showed deserves to get a mudhole stomped in their ass. That being said, I hope and pray that whenever I have children (FAR into the future), they will turn out exactly like Hit-Girl. She was poetry… in… motion! Killing bad guys left and right! I loved every SECOND of her performance. And towards the end, when she reloaded her (two!) Glocks mid-run… ??!? Do NOT tell me you didn’t whip out your O-Face, be you guy or girl. Don’t even ATTEMPT to lie to me.

Now, on to “Prince of Persia”. I have to admit, I was thinking about Jake Gyllenhaal and race until I saw the trailers and previews for it. Then it made some sense. Then I saw the movie, and it made total sense. He did superbly as the Prince, and I wasn’t bothered by the storyline at all. I’ve played the Sands of Time game many times, read the storyline behind said game, and even know that the creators never gave the Prince a name. Two words for anyone who still says that the movie isn’t the same as the game: Different. Dimensions. Each game is set in a different dimension, so why would the storylines be the same?? The action and acting was great in this one.

I know you guys are tired of hearing about “Twilight: Eclipse” (I know I am), but in brief, I did see it. It was wayyy better than that guttered self-esteem/obsessive crap that was “New Moon”.

These films, and others, don’t deserve a lot of the scorn being tossed at them. If you question enough people, you’ll discover, as I did, that half of them haven’t even SEEN the movies they’re talking about! They’re just regurgitating some review they read somewhere. When you go to the theatres, watch them with your own eyes, forget what everyone else (even me) has said about them, and judge for yourself. That’s all I’m asking.

May your movie-going experiences be wicked.

 





D-Day…

5 07 2010

Well, tomorrow my divorce will be final. To clear up some immediate thoughts upon reading the word “divorce”:

Yes, folks, I’m fine.

No, folks, I’m the one who asked for it.

And no, I’m not a cold-hearted, evil, hateful bitch putting him through the ringer. We’re actually still friendly, the property was divided with little bad feelings, and we don’t bug each other much. We just make better friends than spouses, that’s all.

I’ve had about 3 months (separation time) to reflect further on my predicament, and I must say I’m predictably filled with a ton of regret. I regret that things didn’t work out, sure, but I also regret ever saying “I do” in the first place. I had a few red flags pop up prior to the marriage, but I let myself get talked out of my doubts by the ol’ “wedding jitters” excuse. (Note to all: Do NOT let your concerns get swept under the rug by the ol’ “wedding jitters” excuse!) We had incompatible personalities and just couldn’t work out our differences without counseling, which he was unwilling to try. In the end, I finally feel like I did the right thing by ending the marriage, because who wants to be married to someone who merely tolerates you or thinks you’re “okay”? That was me by the way, and I didn’t think that was fair to him at all. Do you?

So here I am, alone but a lot less stressed. Now to the task of telling everyone once it’s over. I figure tomorrow, I’ll change my Facebook status to “single” and then put out a sort of press release on the subject. The bff likes that plan. I’ve been hiding the fact that I’m even separated from my soon-to-be-ex from my coworkers (except my boss) and family (except my mom and brothers). It’ll be good to finally come clean about it.

My reasoning was simple: I didn’t want a pity-party, with people saying “Oh, I’m so sorry!” and “Are you ok?” Hopefully when I tell everyone, they’ll see that I’ve been doing fine the past few months and leave it at that. Also, I didn’t want to feed the Gossip Mill at work.

Another question to deflect: No, I’m not worried about the future. I’m sure we’ll both find someone else who’ll love us the right way. I pray for that.